Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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