I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
