You smell like stripper and shame
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
In other news, I just burned my penis
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Text me some of your sweat
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
