I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
