do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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