the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
