Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
