She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
