i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
