She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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