So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
