She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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