I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
