Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
