I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
