If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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