All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
