I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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