Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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