Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
