I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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