Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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