She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
