You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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