Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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