You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
