so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
