he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
