You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
