Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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