i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
