we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
