escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
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you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
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