Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
