Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
