If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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