I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
