Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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