My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
