i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
