You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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