like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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