Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
