my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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