Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
