Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
