I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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