Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
