So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
