im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
