I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
