No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
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