She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
