its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
