My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
