He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
