and next time when you feel me up, do it right
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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