he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
