I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
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Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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