You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
