so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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