I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
And then he peed in my hair
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