My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
