Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
