The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
