this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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