You just made me feel so damn special
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
