we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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