i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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