How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
