yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
