I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
