I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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