So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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