bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
