Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
