Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
