when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
