you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
