That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.