Texts From Last Night

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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.

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  (201): I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number. http://tfl.nu/78e6
  Replies (28) Good night (5163) Bad night (1085)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..

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  (613): so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward.. http://tfl.nu/92jg
  Replies (19) Good night (4706) Bad night (1370)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.

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  (206): dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement. http://tfl.nu/2u7j
  Replies (29) Good night (2724) Bad night (4973)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.

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  (847): yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her. http://tfl.nu/lht2
  Replies (14) Good night (4082) Bad night (1262)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it

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  (781): if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it http://tfl.nu/706q
  Replies (4) Good night (4014) Bad night (1823)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party

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  (512): honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party http://tfl.nu/io10
  Replies (6) Good night (2289) Bad night (691)
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  (516): View more from New York

  So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?

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  (516): So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway? http://tfl.nu/m1uu
  Replies (11) Good night (2957) Bad night (1240)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised

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  (336): Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised http://tfl.nu/n641
  Replies (10) Good night (2186) Bad night (784)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule

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  (863): I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule http://tfl.nu/m3mw
  Replies (3) Good night (1156) Bad night (633)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You need a twittervention. You're better than this.

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  (978): You need a twittervention. You're better than this. http://tfl.nu/6sfs
  Replies (7) Good night (841) Bad night (676)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.

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  (713): Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair. http://tfl.nu/2yyf
  Replies (8) Good night (514) Bad night (1238)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.

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  (256): I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though. http://tfl.nu/tmsk
  Replies (1) Good night (872) Bad night (437)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.

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  (908): We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe. http://tfl.nu/0uet
  Replies (2) Good night (537) Bad night (331)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  What happened to fro yo and sex?

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  (405): What happened to fro yo and sex? http://tfl.nu/5qdq
  Replies (2) Good night (642) Bad night (339)
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  (347): View more from New York

  I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking

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  (347): I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking http://tfl.nu/ima1
  Replies (2) Good night (449) Bad night (246)

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