Texts From Last Night

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  (305): View more from Florida

  If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?

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  (305): If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me? http://tfl.nu/0xff
  Replies (13) Good night (640) Bad night (2163)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.

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  (407): We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab. http://tfl.nu/iyx8
  Replies (14) Good night (4845) Bad night (978)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"

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  (985): He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it" http://tfl.nu/q1ud
  Replies (49) Good night (2307) Bad night (9435)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.

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  (281): Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up. http://tfl.nu/tbqv
  Replies (18) Good night (1279) Bad night (3834)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.

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  (715): I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk. http://tfl.nu/px56
  Replies (7) Good night (2263) Bad night (960)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.

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  (631): I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus. http://tfl.nu/dneq
  Replies (8) Good night (1136) Bad night (3060)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"

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  (678): Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS" http://tfl.nu/1tt6
  Replies (4) Good night (1627) Bad night (694)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.

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  (267): I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses. http://tfl.nu/97k7
  Replies (3) Good night (1238) Bad night (438)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer

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  (770): possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer http://tfl.nu/bt81
  Replies (0) Good night (385) Bad night (517)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.

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  (262): I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry. http://tfl.nu/6bad
  Replies (2) Good night (396) Bad night (552)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.

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  (573): Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car. http://tfl.nu/jvos
  Replies (1) Good night (361) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?

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  (937): I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night? http://tfl.nu/ghkw
  Replies (2) Good night (256) Bad night (785)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.

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  (785): You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised. http://tfl.nu/dvsv
  Replies (0) Good night (448) Bad night (372)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow

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  (404): So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow http://tfl.nu/zlpp
  Replies (2) Good night (692) Bad night (486)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.

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  (334): Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him. http://tfl.nu/wkpb
  Replies (1) Good night (461) Bad night (142)

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