chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now