I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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