I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
